A New Name

The nations will see your vindication, 
   and all kings your glory; 
you will be called by a new name 
   that the mouth of the LORD will bestow. 
You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD’s hand, 
   a royal diadem in the hand of your God. 
No longer will they call you Deserted, 
   or name your land Desolate. 
But you will be called Hephzibah (“my delight is in her”),
   and your land Beulah (“married”); 
for the LORD will take delight in you, 
   and your land will be married. 
As a young man marries a young woman, 
   so will your Builder marry you

Isaiah 62:2-5a

I am not a biblical scholar, but I do study the Bible and while I know that scripture was written to a specific people, in a specific time, by a specific hand. I also know that it is God’s Word – living and active and relevant to me, and sometimes I think that God stepped outside of the box of time and chronology and knew that while those words needed to mean something specific at certain times to a very specific people, He also thought of me…specifically. And He knew that the words He spoke then, whether through His own mouth or the mouth of one of His prophets would speak truth to my mind, light to my soul and love to my heart.

Such is the passage above. I have been meditating on it for about two weeks now, and each time I read it, it becomes more beautiful and full of meaning.

I remember the first time that Ev called me “my Love.” It was magical. I felt like I belonged, like I was known, like I was valued. I remember the first time that Elliot called me “Momomom.” It was magical too. Someone that knew me specifically in one role that was more than enough for him. I felt special, I felt irreplaceable, I felt loved.

These names are two of the most treasured that I have been given by those that I love and that love me. I’ve had many other names as well. Some make me feel special, some make me feel inadequate. Some make me think I’m stupid or worthless, some make me think I couldn’t be worth more. But there is one that I have never heard that I know God has in store to bestow on me when we meet face to face. When I then know as I am fully known (1 Cor 13:12). The name will make me feel delighted in, joined together with a God who takes pleasure in knowing me, and in me knowing Him, clothed in the righteousness of Christ – splendid, radiant, distinct. One new name!

At a time in my life when I’m not sure what my next names will be, it gives me great joy to read this passage and delight in it. I think about the times that God shows us examples of him bestowing new names on his followers, Abraham, Sarah, Israel. It was perfect every time. It made sense for who they were, what their story was and how God redeemed them and set them apart. Another great piece of all this is that the name that God gives people isn’t just between Him and them. No longer are they called Abram, Sarai, or Jacob. No longer will we be called “desolate” or “deserted” or any other name that displays a gross misunderstanding of a heavenly Father’s love and grace or the value of His child. Instead, I will be given a new name that is known by all. How beautiful is that?! What a wonderful, merciful Saviour! What a gracious redeemer and friend! I love Him, my Yahweh!

Socks

Do you ever feel like you just pick up other people's socks? What is it with socks anyway? There are socks all over my house. In the hamper? Yes! On the floor? Yes! In the car? Yes! On my kitchen counter? Yes!....Wait! What?!....Yes! Yes, I picked up an athletic sock off of my kitchen counter this morning. Granted, it was used to wrap an ice pack and not a foot, but still, right? It's at points like these that I think, "what in the world is going on?" And then I think, "what else do you expect? hasn't it been this way since you got married?" And isn't insanity doing the same thing over and over while expecting a different result?
In the midst of the socks there is a lot of change going on in my life and while it might be dysfunctional and weird, the stability and predictability of knowing that I will come home or wake up and have to pick up at least three pairs of socks from random places makes me smile. Because I can also know and predict that the boys that stand on the extra wide feet that those socks belong to, whether large or small, love me despite the change and that just makes me feel content, for the moment! Which is a lovely gift from God in the middle of all my internal clashings.

What Every Child Needs to Hear

When I found out was pregnant with Elliot, I was scared out of my mind! I wasn't scared that I would be a bad mother or that I would make mistakes sometimes or that he wouldn't turn out the way I hoped or anything like that. I was scared that I would just kind of be an okay mom, that he would know he was loved but he would have to remind himself of that, that I wouldn't understand what he needed from me so I wouldn't be able to give it to him. Things like that.
It scared me even more when I found out he was a boy! I knew what truth a little girl needed spoken into her life, I knew how and what I would teach her about strength and faith and femininity, I knew what to tell Evan to do too (at least I thought I did). But...a boy? What truth does a boy need to hear spoken by his mother into his life? What do I need to teach him about strength and faith and masculinity? I was so scared I would fail. Not fail miserably, but fail by just kind of making it work.
I've learned a lot in the last 2 1/2 years and God has provided me with the knowledge I need to raise my son one step at a time, consistently showing His ever-present grace in my life. I know now the truth that he needs spoken into his life. He is loved, special, valuable, handsome, brave, strong, and smart. He is a little warrior and poet and prince. "God is love (1 John 4:8)" and he is a "fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14)."
Confession - I'm not good with kids. I haven't really ever been. At least not children under the age of like 16. However, having Elliot in has changed a few things in me. I'm still a bit awkward around other children, but I pay attention to them more. I pay attention to their body language and their spirit and their needs. I am especially observant of little boys. How society and parents and other influences shape them, encourage them, or scold them with their expectations. And can I tell you? Most of the time it breaks my heart!
I was in line today at Walmart and in front of me was a mom with a baby in the cart that was maybe 9 months old and she had a little boy that looked like he was about 3 1/2 or 4. He was sitting on the floor playing with an Etch-a-Sketch and his mom gently told him to come over by her. He set the toy down, willingly obeyed and stood next to her cart. He asked her a question, something like, "Mommy, can I have some of that food?" She laughed and said to the cashier, "Such a typical male isn't he?" They laughed together. The little boy just looked away. Not particularly hurt, but not really feeling anything else either. His mom continued, "Yeah, he's already got the selective hearing going too. Men!" Chuckles ensued and the boy waited patiently for his mother to check out.
I wanted to shout so everyone could hear and at the same time look intently into the little boy's eyes so he knew I was talking just to him and tell him, "You are special and loved and valuable!"
I don't think the mother had a poor relationship with her son. I could tell they loved each other very much. And I know that there are times, whatever the reason, that I find my son has tried to say the same thing to me seven times just trying to get my attention and interaction, and I only catch it on time number 8 with a minimal response. I know that I fail at times and that is okay, but I also know that regardless of my limitations or shortcomings, God is using me in my son's life and I am honored and blessed by that.
Children don't need to hear how typical they are, they don't need to be bound by societal expectations (whether positive or negative) of how different descriptive characteristics limit them or make them difficult to be around, whether that difference be gender or  race or something else.
Every child needs to be heard and recognized and known. Every child should know that their life is valuable beyond measure, that their uniqueness is intentional, and that they are loved without limits.
I need to hear that, and you need to hear that!
I'm not scared anymore, and I haven't been for awhile. Not because I feel a lightened weight of responsibility toward my son, but because he knows and he has heard and he will continue to hear that he is more valuable than any treasure that any pirate could ever dig up, that he is so a dearly loved child of God (1 John 3:1), that I will gladly dance with my little prince any time he asks (even if it's when he should be sleeping), that playing with new friends in the nursery is brave because he says it is and so is climbing rocks that are really big and so is living life so beautifully in such a big world, that even if and when his mommy and daddy cannot be there with him, God always ALWAYS is, and that he is so special and so SO loved!
I also know that I will fail. Sometimes I'll be a great mom and sometimes I'll just be okay, but thankfully when I'm just okay (or even when I'm downright lousy), I have a heavenly Father that is always paying attention, never saying "what a typical woman!" and just waiting to tell me how valuable I am to Him.

So...we went to Utah!

My beautiful sister and Elliot

My love and me!

Climbing "Mount Elliot"

Looking across the mountains and canyon, just 5 miles "up" from Ephraim, UT

Elmo Worship?...Oh yikes!

For the past two Friday afternoons, I've had the privilege of going through some training in Strategic Futuring (yes, it's a word) and in StrengthsQuest. The first is a process by which you envision your life 15 years in the future and then outline strategic steps to make that future a reality, and let me tell you, the next 15 years look amazing! :) The second is an assessment tool developed by the Gallup organization to identify key talent themes in your life. For example, my themes are activator, achiever, individualization, futuristic, and learner....I know, surprise, surprise, right?
Anyway, it's been awhile since I've pushed myself to do this sort of intentional reflection and envisioning and it is making me incredibly thankful for the blessings in my life and excited about what the future holds. It is also giving me little bits of courage to take steps to explore and create.
One of the things I've been exploring is some different music. Just taking time to sit and listen or have it intentionally playing in the background. It makes a big difference in my mood and meditation, etc. I've been creating a playlist on Grooveshark of my favorite worship songs, which might not be a big deal for most people, but for me each of the songs are especially beautiful or touching so I only have about 10 right now.
I've been listening to these about every other day on my way to work. After dropping Elliot off two days ago, I was driving to work, listening to "Megan's God Tunes" and singing along. "You're Beautiful", "Dearly Loved", "Emphasis", "My Redeemer Lives", "In Christ Alone." I'm having a beautiful time of worship and then I catch myself in the middle of "la la la la, la la la la, Elmo's Song." Yes, singing out loud! I was brainlessly singing Elmo's Song on my way to work.
Grooveshark had just automatically gone on to the next playlist, "Elliot's Songs." I sat and laughed at myself for awhile. Then I called Evan and he laughed at me.
I think that sometimes in life, we just drift into this space that isn't really ours but we keep living right along with it and then all of a sudden we realize, "What am I doing here? Whose song is this? Why am I living this way?"
I guess what I'm trying to say is that no matter how funny it is, Elmo worship, just isn't right...at all! And neither is singing anyone else's life song or unconsciously drifting into a space where you don't have to live intentionally anymore.
So if you had to envision your life in 15 years what would it look like? What are you doing now to make that happen? Cause I'm pretty sure you don't want to drift into 2026 and wonder "What am I doing here? Whose song is this?"

Of breath and dust

Broken then separated by shoots of green
that push through you and grow toward the sun
Lifeless and brown and spoken to be
You lie under the sky and beside the sea

OH breathless dust - unfashioned, unformed

Transformed by hands with care and intention
Animated to live and love and explore
Breath-filled and whole with imagination
Running, laughing, singing, dancing on a beautiful sphere
with a God who came near

OH breath-filled - dust rebellious, so proud

Do you ever dream about where you came from?
And know someday you will return?
Because of a choice and a curse and a lie,
Brown and breathless on the ground
Unnoticed - clinging to feet, sandals, and boots

OH breathless dust - judged wanting and lost

But dream again with eyes open this time
And you'll see your God who came near
All you notice at first are His fleshy two feet
They're blood-stained and scarred and breathless dust-caked
And you hurry to wash them with tear after tear after tear

You know what He did and you know what it cost
To breathe life again into dust that was judged wanting and lost
"Does He resent me?" you wonder "Surely the cost was too much
For my sin and my shame, my death and my dust!"

Then His transforming hands, familiar and strong
Hold you close with care and intention
And you hear Him speak with His voice and his breath
In your ear, "You're lavishly loved!
You're special to me!
Dear one, you're forgiven. I've redeemed you.
You're free!"

Life bursts through your soul
When His breath hits your being.
You go running and laughing,
Dancing and singing, with Yahweh, your Yahweh
Your breath-filling King
All through the sky and on top of the sea

OH plank-filled eye
OH sin-filled self
Forgotten, covered, rescued
OH breath-filled life and dustless you
Alive and radiant and free

Dearly Loved

Dearly Loved

Jimmy Needham

Please lay down your arrows
For they're sure to pierce the skin
And water from a broken well
Will make you thirst again
When all things you've acquired
Are tested by the flames
And you can see them melting
Then will you call his name

It's worth it brothers
It's worth it friends
To know your maker
To lose your sin
Did you know that you are dearly loved

To the slaughters you are being led
Being told that it's a party
That this God is in your head
And every single lie
Sounds just like the greatest truth
But the one truth you're not hearing
Is that he died for you

No greater joy
No greater peace
No greater love than this

It's worth it brothers
It's worth it friends
To know your maker
To lose your sin
Did you know that you are dearly loved

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions - it is by grace you have been saved.

Ephesians 2:4-5

Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.

I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands.

Psalm 63:3-4

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!

1 John 3:1a

"When I hear people talking about love like it's the latest, greatest flavor of cotton candy, I get very nervous and suspect we are not talking about the same thing."

Jen Lee

This is a new favorite song of mine, moving me to tears because of the reality of its truth. My dear sister Sarah sent me this last quote a couple weeks ago and it deeply resonated with my heart. I feel that love is one of the most misunderstood and shallowly represented constructs within our world. And the thing that astonishes me the most is that people seem to be okay with that. The devasting thing is that when I try to describe love to other people, I find that my proclamation of this truth leaves much to be desired. Yet I look around me as see people, as C.S. Lewis did, happy to be playing with "love mud pies" when a holiday in a sea of love is afforded to them. And I have to conclude with him that we are "far too easily pleased."

Recently the university I work at had an essay contest among the faculty called, "Why I Teach." As I pondered when or not to submit something I thought back and forth about why I teach, why I lead, etc. It's not because I have vast amounts of knowledge to impart or am even close to being able to use my life experiences as vicarious sources of learning. It is because I believe that the greatest, sweetest truth that everyone needs to learn is that they are DEARLY LOVED - specifically, intentionally, uniquely, dearly loved by God. And I believe so strongly that anything that is truth will point to this life altering, soul filling reality. So I teach the truth I know and I lead for change that eliminates lies and darkness because people must know that they are dearly loved.

My life has been a learning laboratory for love, and I hope that it continues to be. One reason that the truth of love is so difficult to articulate is because it's often deeply felt rather than only cognitively processed. The limbic system in our brains (bear with me here) is the physical seat of our emotions and drives. It is full of feeling and not rationality, passion and not logic. And it isn't anywhere near our brain's cortex (where cognition is processed) or Broca & Wernicke's areas (where we develop language and the articulation of our ideas). And so in my little life laboratory, when I see or hear or read or look at something that can connect the all of those areas in my head and empower passion with knowledge and ignite logical truth with fervor, I most often just start crying. Because what my heart felt as true and my mind knew as true connect and fill my soul with the light of truth. And almost always that truth is that I am dearly loved, incredibly unworthy, and miraculously redeemed.

Last night, Pat Terenzini in his opening remarks at our conference said that learning or education is "not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire." So while I still feel that my words above are shallow and disjointed, I guess my observation and question to you is this. We are all learning and teaching and following and leading, but what fire are you spreading? Because, in case you didn't know my brothers and sisters...

...you are SO DEARLY LOVED!