Wednesday, January 12, 2011

I want...

I want to be able to sit and write and know that I am expressing the message in my head and my heart clearly on a page. In order to do that, I personally have to know what that message is, which has been increasingly difficult for me to figure out with any measure of clarity lately.
I was thinking about the moon as I was reading a book to Elliot the other night. I want to write a poem about the moon watching things happen on earth. An object that has "seen" the creation of the world, its fall, its redemption, my Savior's birth and life, beauty of souls saved and the devastation of hideous sins performed. The precious moments in my life of love and life and light and truth. I don't know how to write the poem, but I want to.
I want to spend more time with my friends - listening and laughing and being silly. This is also increasingly hard with a families and schedules and distance.
I want to dance....beautifully and gracefully.
I want to live purposefully. Knowing that what I do today will make a meaningful difference for tomorrow. Considering the ever present factors of practicality, physical limitations, and the roles I must play, I sometimes wonder if I've lost the drive and courage I used to have to see a task through to completion or a vision from concept to reality.
I want to travel. I want to see and experience new things and new people with those that I love. I want to speak other languages.
I want to be the best wife and mother in the history of the world! I want my husband and my children to always know that they are loved and treasured beyond any earthly thing or any lofty idea. I want them to know that they are beautiful to me and to God. I want them to know that they are interesting to me and that I am curious to know them better.
I want to be vulnerable without being scared. I want to heal those that are hurting. I want to be light where there is darkness.
I want to know Jesus' words and heart and life well enough that they become my words and heart and life.

These are all things that I want, but I often wonder if I can have them. And I struggle with what to pursue. And when and where and how.

Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the LORD; 
trust in him and he will do this:
He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him.
Psalm 37:4-7a

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