So...An Update

Hello internet world! Nice to see you again. Blogging has been put on the back-burner for the past two weeks as I've dealt with the joys and struggles of building a home entertainment computer (or supporting Ev while he builds it), having a father-in-law in the hospital (who is now out of the hospital and gaining some strength back), weeding flower beds (YAY!!!), putting together a business plan (I'm going to tear my hair out soon...it's taking soooo long), and having a little boy with crazy pussy stuff coming out of his eye (poor little guy). But amidst all of this, two very funny things happened yesterday.
First, I went to the eye doctor who asked me if it "messed me up" when they dilated my eyes. I though about it for a second and since it was gross and gray out, I said, "No, it only messes with me if it's really bright." Are you kidding me?! NEVER say that. Who doesn't it mess with to have their eyes dilated?! I mean, they put these drops in your eyes that magically make your pupils like 5 times their normal size for the rest of the day! Of course that's going to mess you up. I thought I was doing fine, until I put my glasses back on to leave and drive to work and my glasses actually made it worse. So I didn't wear any vision correcting apparatus all day, which messed up my depth perception immensely, and probably made people think I had been drinking, which isn't exactly the best impression to give off when you work where I work. It was crazy. The whole time I was driving...in the grayness, mind you...I was thinking, "This would make a really good Seriously Now?!" That's how ridiculous it was. I'm pretty sure that if I would have started howling, any dog could have come up, taken one look at me and been like, "Oh yeah, she's one of us."
Second, my son is warrior! I LOVE IT! Last night was one of the first times I saw this gleam in his eyes. Now, Elliot has been defiant, rebellious and independent before. I've heard those yells, as well as his screams of pain and very loud, "MOMOMOMOM" when something is just not working right. But last night was the first time I heard his warrior cry.
We were sitting at the dinner table and Elliot had finished eating, so I took him out of his high chair and set him on the chair next to me so that he could still talk with us. He grabbed a canister of compressed air (the kind that you clean computers with) and started examining it. Then with a gleam in his eye and a smirk on his face he pointed it at Evan and said, "Eh?" To which of course we asked him what he was doing. This was met by him pointing it at each person at the table, with each person he pointed it at, he would give a little more umph to the pointing of the compressed air and his "Eh?" changed to an "AAh!" and continuously increased in volume. We finally realized he was shooting us with the gun. Evan got another can of compressed air and started shooting back at him. He thought this was absolutely hilarious and started to really get into the whole thing. Then he got that gleam in his eye, tilted back and shook his little head and yelled, "Doe, DIE! AAH!" (for those of you that need translation, this means "Joe, DIE! AAH!") We all died...laughing. And then we went into the living room to continue the battle. It was great! :)
So I get my new glasses and contact next week. It's going to be crazy at work and I got really good news about some friends and their baby that's coming in July! Congrats Heironimi! We love you!

Seriously Now?!

Someday, I swear I'm going to end up on the People of Walmart site. My son is just now laying down for his first nap of the day. Two days ago, he would just not go to sleep, so around 2:00 I figured something had to be done. He needed to be strapped down and forced into a baby nap coma. However, since most people don't look very kindly on roping your child down in their bed, I chose the more humane route of strapping him  into his car seat and heading to the store. Within seconds, he was out like a light. The whole way to the store, I was trying to think of ways that he could stay asleep longer. This little guy was tuckered and it just broke my heart to wake him up.
See, when he was little, I could just pop his little carrier in and out of the car. And as long as my jostling of this little bundle was minimal, he stayed asleep for the length of the shopping trip. Now, he's in a big guy car seat that I have to haul him in and out of. Seriously now?! Why has no one thought of a little pop out car seat solution for toddlers?! I'm sure almost everyone has had the unhappy experience of waking a sleeping toddler. I've seen these car seats with wheels on the back, the kind that you pull around like luggage at the airport. However, doesn't that just seem a little odd? Dragging your child behind you, strapped to a chair on wheels?
Here's a picture of one, courtesy of Amazon.com:

Well, hey. That baby actually looks pretty happy. Maybe I could do something like that...just one problem, I don't have a whole lot of money in my bank account, it being the Christmas season at all. But being the DYI chick that I am, how about a little DYI action on this baby. I've got some bungee cords in the car and a large rolling suitcase in the garage. Surely, I can make something happen.
Here's the thing though, I was actually thinking through all these options in the car...on the way to the store. My son was literally snoring in the backseat. PLUS, we're trying to get rid of this bottle! Chances are he's going to wake up, start throwing a screaming fit in the store because he's going through formula withdrawal. And that's when it will happen. I'll start grabbing formula off the shelf, to put in a bottle from off the shelf, filled with Dasani water from the nearby cooler and someone will snap a picture. Yep. A picture of me, my baby strapped to a suitcase, and stolen formula. Seriously now?! There has to be a better way. Please save me from People of Walmart.com! Any suggestions for this new mother would be welcome....I think.

Seriously Now?!

"If talking about healthy habits isn’t working, try something more entertaining! Sprinkle glitter to show how germs spread, zoom a toy truck with an animal passenger to illustrate the importance of seatbelts, and drop a clay-filled plastic Easter egg to point out the value of helmets. These great teaching tools are loads of fun, too!"
-from my daily parenting email

Okay. Did a parent seriously write this? "Here Elliot, this is how germs work." (Sprinkle glitter into his hand to be spread on everything that he touches for the rest of the day). "Hey buddy, can I play with your truck and doggy for a second?" (ram the truck into the wall throwing the dog from its seat in the vehicle and act like it died) Oh wait, one more. "Can I see your playdough, and the easter eggs that we hide fun snacks in?" (carefully craft a ball of playdough and explain that it's supposed to represent my son's head, place it in the egg, and throw it on the ground...make sure it smooshes really well for maximum effect).

Seriously now?! You've got to be kidding me? Who would do that?! Great learning tools?...Sure. Traumatic experiences?....Sure. Entertaining experience?...yes. Absolutely ridiculous?...yes. Even the glitter, I tried to think for a minute and it's actually a great idea, if I have a maid running after Elliot cleaning up everything he touches, but wait. Then he can't see where his germs were right? Oh no!

This message was originally sent to my junk mail folder. I think that's where it should have stayed. Or maybe it's just that time in the semester, when I get kind of sarcastic and critical. After all, my wonderful husband did stare lovingly into my eyes last night and ask, "Is that my wife over there, or a big lump of cynicism?"

Seriously Now?!

I have had quite the week! I don't know about you, but I can't believe I still have another day at work and I actually like my job. Just think about all those people out there that hate going to work every day....Sheesh!
Well...today was a doozy! Needless to say, I felt quite productive. A coworker submitted an article we worked on together a while back for publication in a journal. Crazy cool! I helped a few students. Also cool. Had some creative and collaborative meetings with my coworkers. And ended my work day by leaving a bit early with a massive headache. Here's the thing...I don't get headaches very often. When I do, they really impede my ability to think and express what I'm thinking.
So I drove home, excited to see my husband and son....oh wait, did I say "home"? I meant that I drove to the war zone at the end of Bragg Avenue. From the outside, my quaint little house looked the same as I had left it. The trash cans still needed to be pulled into the garage and a little weeding needed to be done in the mulch. So I pulled the trash cans up to the house, and told myself I'd work on the weeds tomorrow. Feeling a sense of accomplishment and closure, I proceeded to open the door....wait, I mean I stepped over the threshold.
Enter with me if you dare, oh brave one! I hung up the phone from talking with a friend about her grandmother recovering from surgery to kiss my husband (ahem...I mean, the General) hello. As I pull back from the General's lovely face, my vision of the room behind him becomes clearer. A bomb has obviously hit my living room. The cushions (like the actual seat cushions) and throw pillows are torn from our living room furniture, laying on the floor. An ottoman is turned upside down and each of Elliot's toys and books have exploded from their place in a basket or on a shelf and are littering the room. As I turn down the hallway, I realize that I am going to have to take precautions. Why? You might ask. Well, look around at the debris! The obstacle course of blocks, uniforms (the General and Lieutenant's clothing), emptied totes (the enemy must have found those and dumped them out), is our next challenge as we head toward the corner room. I think there was once a floor in the corner room but the enemy must have taken it! Because I can't see it anywhere. Blankets, pillows, blocks, DVDs, cars....but no floor! Now I'm concerned. I hear music coming from the other room...that sounds lovely!....WHOA! What happened?! Drawers and closets thrown open! The plunderers have hit the baby's room too! Seriously now?! I'd think they'd have the decency to leave that alone, but no.
At this time, the General needed to go to his next battle (work). Lieutenant Elliot was somehow robbed of his clothing throughout the day, so I grabbed him (wearing his sweatshirt and diaper) and swaddled his legs in a blanket. The swaddled lieutenant, the General and I loaded into the tank and headed down the street. On our way the General briefed me on the day's happenings. It seemed that I had neglected to observe the radioactive chamber (the bathroom)...he told me to avoid going in there at all costs. (The toilet and its "contents" had overflowed). Now, I was scared. WHAT invaded my home today?! Seriously now?!
With the general safely on to his next mission, the half-naked lieutenant and I (the wounded Colonel) headed back to the war-torn land. It took us a couple hours to clean up the wreckage, and I had to don a Haz-Mat suit to enter the radioactive chamber.
You might say that the headache hindered my perception of the situation. Whatever the case, I believe all is safe and well now in the Gilmore land of the free, and the General managed to do some dishes in the midst of it all, which made his Colonel very happy. I've still got a bit of a head wound, as you can probably tell from this disjointed tale, but the Lieutenant is sleeping and the General is still off saving the world (at work).

I've taken some pain reliever, and now I'm going to get a drink and a little debbie.

By the way, did anyone else hear it's supposed to snow tonight? Let's just name this place Valley Forge. Seriously now?! That's ridiculous!

Seriously Now?!

There's this spot right above your nose and between your eyebrows, most of you probably don't notice it because it's smooth and flat and doesn't really serve a purpose in your day to day goings and comings and doings. My dad has had a crease in this flat spot for awhile now, and when he's in pain under stress, it becomes a deep crevice (sorry dad, but it's true). My husband's spot is flat and smooth for the most part, except for, you know, the occasionally manly stray eyebrow hair (sorry babe, but it's true). The last few days I have been massaging the life out of this spot, my forhead has been tense, even when I try to relax it. I think I'm doing fine and then I pass a window or mirror and see it.....THE CREASE!!! Seriously, now?! I am twenty five years old. I should have an alabaster brow and skin as smooth as porcelian. (I learned this from Anne Shirley, who was also disappointed with some skin issues at a young age.)

As I was manually trying to flatten my crease out in the car yesterday, my husband asked me if I wanted Botox (he was joking). I talked with my friend Jill at work today (she has a similar above-the-nose-should-be-smooth-but-crinkles-under-stress problem), and we both shared that this was not something that was controllable. Though it might be suggested that one can just stop....one (being me) cannot. It takes days for the crinkle to appear and days for it to leave. It is not controllable, it just happens.

Yes, sometimes I do get the most distorted look on my face when someone says something stupid, and yes, my face often contorts to unthinkable expressions, but this, my friends, is not that! This is plain and simple concentration and stress. The kind of stress that leads to botox suggestions, relaxation suggestions, and I'm sure a 63-year-old-Helen-Mirren-bikini-wearing-hot-mama picture is not in the future if I keep this up. (Seriously now?! You've all seen that right?!)

All of this to say, the crease is ridiculous!

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

Seriously Now?!

So we just moved in...wait, we're in the process of moving into our new home in Upland. Exciting stuff. Among the things that I'm excited about are the fenced in back yard, the sun room, all the natural light pouring into my kitchen, the glass top stove and the lovely pull out sprayer faucet. Ev just installed a programmable thermostat as well. So when he's home it can be cold as ice, and when he's not we can save on our electricity bill. AWEsome!!!

Our first night here, Elliot and I waited anxiously for Ev to get back from Chicago to surprise him with the move. My son crawled into the bathroom, looked at the tub, squealed and pulled himself up on it, looking at me with a big smile. At this point, I realized that Elliot had not had a real bath in about two days. I had washed him down before bed each night, but this messy little boy needed a bath. I was thinking, "Okay, Elliot. We'll have a bath before you go to bed." Like we normally do (routine includes: bath, massage, turning on music, dancing, reading a book, having a bottle, going to sleep). So I said, "Okay, buddy. We'll take a bath but come on out here for now." He scowled at me, threw himself over the side of the tub and started beating on it with both hands, yelling "BAAAAA!" Wow! Seriously?! That's hilarious!

I start to panic though because we don't have a plug for the drain, so I pick him and tell him that he can have a bath we just need to find something to plug up the drain. As soon as we walk out of the bathroom he starts to cry, there are boxes everywhere, and I don't know what to do. Finally, I find the sticky plastic that was laid down on the carpet for our move. I cut a piece of that off, stick it over the drain, run him a bath, throw in a bath bomb and some toys, and he is just happy as a little lark. I kid you not! As I'm running this bath, he is trying to jump over the side with his clothes on, which is just funny, cause he can't jump yet. As soon as I sit him in the water, he lets out this big sigh and starts singing to his toys.

Now at this point you might be thinking, "Wow, Megan. That's a cute story, but is it really deserving of the "Seriously Now?!" title?"

Oh yeah, just one more thing. The next day, I walked into the bathroom, looked at the tub and realized I just had to flip the little "drain switch" on the tub. No plug required! ----------> Seriously now?!?! That's ridiculous!

Seriously Now?!

We went boating on Winona Lake this weekend....SO FUN! We went tubing as well. I went tubing on a couple runs by myself and then on a couple runs with Emily. I had never gone with two people before and that was a blast too. Here's the thing, I woke up this morning, after being thrown around the lake yesterday like skipping stone, pulled myself out of bed after a pretty restful night (Elliot slept for over 11.5 hours!), and then came the problem. You see, I thought that I could still walk normally, like I could about seven hours earlier when I lumbered into bed. I also thought that I would be able to take a shower and raise my hands enough above my head to wash my hair without my body telling me that was a bad idea. I was REALLY sore.

Seriously now?! I'm 25, not in bad shape. Plus, I carry a loveable 20+ pound weight with me just about everywhere. What is the deal?!

So, I decided my body and I were going to have a discussion! This was ridiculous! I felt like an old, OLD woman. I'm not saying I felt like woman past middle-age with some gray hair and carpel tunnel. I'm saying I felt like I had the range of motion of shuffling, walker-toting woman. C'mon Body! What's going on? Seriously now?!

So here's how the discussion went (mind you, I was pretty sure from the get go that I was going to win):

Me: Ugh! What in the world?! C'mon!

Body: (remains silent, except for the slight cracking in my shoulder)

Me: Okay, we're going to talk. I am 25 years old and should not be having problems like this. I feel really old!

Body: Really?

Me: Yes! And in case you didn't notice, I'm not old. I'm young.

Body: Hmm...so just let me tell you what I'm hearing. You think that I should be able to go through 25 years of germs, illnesses, accidents, injuries, and surgeries. Then I have a baby, you don't exercise me regularly, and you give me an average of 6 hours of sleep a night. THEN! You fling me around a lake on a tube at the end of a rope and beat me against the water. You don't want to feel any of that right?

Me: (sheepishly) I'm sorry Body.

Body: C'mon! Seriously now?!

Me: (remains silent, except for the slight cracking in my ankle)

Free KFC! - Seriously Now?!

So I'm sure by now you've all heard that Oprah gave away a free KFC lunch to "everyone in America" (or something like that). You can go to this website and print out coupons for a free 2 piece grilled chicken with two individual sides and a biscuit. Upon first thought I was like, "Wow Oprah! How cool. I'm going to go get me some chicken!" 

The coupon is good until May 16th, so naturally I thought I had some time to plan my free lunch for the best day. Well, that was the wrong thought. My husband went out and got his as soon as he heard about it yesterday (we're different that way).  So many people have gone in to redeem their Free KFC Grilled Chicken lunches that riots have started, lines have formed out to streets, and more. 

Now most KFCs are no longer redeeming the free lunch coupons (three days after they were released). WHY?! Well, the KFC lady employee says that if they were to fulfill all the coupons that are coming in all the chickens IN THE WORLD would be dead. You heard me right....there would be no more chickens.....anywhere. PETA activist Oprah Winfrey just strategized a worldwide chicken massacre. Yep!.....Appauling isn't?! 

Thank goodness the KFC administrators are on top of things! The KFC president released a statement saying apologizing that they cannot redeem all the coupons at this time (check it out!), but you can get a raincheck. The redemption timeslots for the rainchecks will vary, but this will give the chickens enough time to breed and reproduce. To thank their customers for waiting KFC is also throwing in a free Pepsi.

:)

Seriously Now?! - 2

For those of you that don't know, one of my big dreams is to become a master gardener! I have my garden all planned out in my head. How it should look, how I want to feel when I go there, the vast amount of money it will save me to grow my own herbs and vegetables, etc. There is one problem. Currently, I am a really bad gardener. I don't really know anything about plants. Anyone that has worked with me in a garden will tell you.....that you don't want to work with me in a garden. I will be "helping" you weed your garden and dig up your great-grandmother's prize-winning rose bushes to throw in the burn pile. Not because I'm just completely an insensitive jerk, but because I probably thought, "Geez! What are these awful, thorny weeds doing here?!"

So, I buy these bulbs and packs of seeds thinking that if I just start with a couple plants I can learn about those individually and how they grow and then expand from there. But I think I get scared because if it weren't for my husband's initiative I would still have a pack of freesia bulbs, as well as lavendar, basil, oregano, and wildflower seeds under the sink in my kitchen. Seriously now?! That's ridiculous. I do now have the wildflower mix planted outside, an african violet growing in my dining room, and a bonsai plant in our bedroom. So watch out world! The master gardener is on the rise!

Here's the thing. I also like crafts. They help me chill out. So there's this site that I visit often (oneprettything.com), that collects craft ideas from lots of different blogs, and one of the most recent suggestions was a terrarium (a miniature landscape with plants and sometimes small animals - like an aquarium, only instead of water it's earth). I thought, "How cool!" especially for someone living in an apartment that is practicing to be a master gardener. Cool, huh? I thought so too, but guess what? It is absolutely retarded!!!

I mean a terrarium in all its glory, done the right way is probably cool, but the suggestion for making one by this lady is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen! I'm looking at it thinking, "Who in their right mind would put that on their windowsill?" People that see it would ask what the jar full of junk was and the lady would beam proudly, "Oh! Don't you know? That's my terrarium." Seriously now?!

I've included the link so you can check this out, but it is basically a Mason jar with pebbles and charcoal in the bottom, then a layer of soil, then a layer of moss, then she sticks in these plastic little deer and bunnies. The best part is she makes sure to tell you that you can put other plants in it in addition to sheet moss. "Like what?" you wonder. Like those "nice plants you can find between sidewalk cracks." ....Nice plants, between sidewalk cracks? Really? Even I know those are weeds!

I know that we're in difficult economic times, but I don't know that this homemade terrarium is the gift-giving solution. Sure, why not just grab some rocks off the road, some charcoal of your neighbors grill, and some mulch from the park. Plop it in an old spaghetti jar with some moss on top, but don't forget to rip up some weeds from in between your sidewalk cracks and rinse off that little plastic animal cake topper to make it extra special. Then put it in a gift bag, and well...."Happy Birthday!"...."Oh. Thank you. What is it?"...."Duh. It's a terrarium!".... "Oh. How nice."

Seriously Now?!

So...every once in awhile (actually, very frequently) I have to stop and say, "Seriously Now?!" because something utterly ridiculous happens to me, my husband, or us Gilmores in general. I've decided that with this new blogging adventure, I should probably have some signature entries. One of these is going to be my weekly "Seriously Now?!" post. Here's week #1:

We live in a very interesting neighborhood. When we first moved here we were surrounded by a girl that was never around on the left and a lovely family with a little girl and boy on the right. Since then (almost a year ago), the population of people around our apartment has completely changed. It is hilarious to us that, not just the apartment complex, but only our SIDE of the apartment complex has wild, unsupervised kids running around with SuperSoakers and tackling each other in our yard. A new neighbor moved in on our left, and she is delightful. Evan was shocked when he met her and said she was actually normal. We were getting high hopes that maybe the tide was starting to turn and with the shifting seasons our side of the apartment complex might now start to be flooded with flowers, loving parents, sunshine, and children skipping to and fro. Then it happened...my reality check! A knock came at my door today and I opened it to a large black man with dreadlocks and a White Sox t-shirt. 

"Hey!" "Hey. We're moving and my mama wants to know if you want her plant." (Mind you, I have never met this guy or his mama in my life.) "Oh! Well what kind of plant is it?" "It's about as big as that one you've got there. It's kind of Asian lookin'." "Wow! That sounds great. We've actually been looking for a plant like that." "Cool. I'll go get it." "Thanks!"

He got it. He brought it to my porch in the rain. What a nice guy. I brought it in my house. It smelled like marijuana. I put it back out on my porch. 

Seriously Now?!?!