So, I have a confession to make. I wasn't all that excited about a new year....until today. My heart has felt a bit weighed down by feelings of inadequacy. As I thought about 2010, it was almost as if the year were looming before me like a tower that I knew I was powerless climb, or at least unable to climb well. I'm someone who is used to achieving. It's both a strength and a weakness. I'm also competitive and like being at the front of the pack. So it's difficult for me to claim responsibility without also claiming authority. It's difficult to achieve without it being the best.
However, as I processed through all of this, I'm reminded why I started blogging in the first place. Because the Lord has powerfully shown me His love, and this relationship set me free. Despite my inadequacies, I am loved! Despite my unique characteristics that I can at times become a slave to, He offers me freedom and empowerment through those same qualities lived out through His strength. And even though a tower looms and taunts me, my incompetence is an opportunity to grow in humility and courage. Because of these things, I now approach 2010 overwhelmed with HOPE! Empowered by my King -- alive, radiant and free!
2009 was another ringer of a year, but as I look at it I am amazed by God's faithfulness and sustaining hand. We started out the year living in Fort Wayne with Evan out of work. Most days, I was on the road for around 4 hours. In the midst of this hardship, we were blessed with a great church and amazing friends that encouraged, challenged and supported us. Our marriage grew stronger because it even more truly became ours, as we battled ideas and criticism and culture. My husband was an innovative provider, and I grew to appreciate and respect him more than ever. We vacationed with family in Florida and Virginia. Times of rest that were much needed! We celebrated Mothers Day and Fathers Day and THREE birthdays! On Evan's birthday we moved to Upland. I feel like we have been in this little town forever, and it's only been five months. We have a lovely little home with a yard and a hammock and a garden (hopefully). We feel safe and have found a new church home. While work has been tedious and trying this semester, I now only drive up to an hour a day! And Ev can walk to work. He's in a job that he loves working with some godly men in an environment unlike any he has been privileged to work in before. Elliot is growing and learning. And as Evan said the other day, each age that he is is my favorite. I love being his mommy.
I actually went through my 2009 calendar the other day, because I had forgotten so much of what had happened, and I am overwhelmed with gratitude and love for my Creator and Sustainer! I am also incredibly thankful for the support system that He has enabled me to build into my life. I have the best bunch of family and friends a girl could hope for. And if you're one of them and reading this, thank you SO much!
I've made many goals and have lots of ideas for 2010, but mostly I am looking at it full of hope. Waiting to see what God is going to do in, through, and for my family this year.