For those of you that don't know, one of my big dreams is to become a master gardener! I have my garden all planned out in my head. How it should look, how I want to feel when I go there, the vast amount of money it will save me to grow my own herbs and vegetables, etc. There is one problem. Currently, I am a really bad gardener. I don't really know anything about plants. Anyone that has worked with me in a garden will tell you.....that you don't want to work with me in a garden. I will be "helping" you weed your garden and dig up your great-grandmother's prize-winning rose bushes to throw in the burn pile. Not because I'm just completely an insensitive jerk, but because I probably thought, "Geez! What are these awful, thorny weeds doing here?!"
So, I buy these bulbs and packs of seeds thinking that if I just start with a couple plants I can learn about those individually and how they grow and then expand from there. But I think I get scared because if it weren't for my husband's initiative I would still have a pack of freesia bulbs, as well as lavendar, basil, oregano, and wildflower seeds under the sink in my kitchen. Seriously now?! That's ridiculous. I do now have the wildflower mix planted outside, an african violet growing in my dining room, and a bonsai plant in our bedroom. So watch out world! The master gardener is on the rise!
Here's the thing. I also like crafts. They help me chill out. So there's this site that I visit often (oneprettything.com), that collects craft ideas from lots of different blogs, and one of the most recent suggestions was a terrarium (a miniature landscape with plants and sometimes small animals - like an aquarium, only instead of water it's earth). I thought, "How cool!" especially for someone living in an apartment that is practicing to be a master gardener. Cool, huh? I thought so too, but guess what? It is absolutely retarded!!!
I mean a terrarium in all its glory, done the right way is probably cool, but the suggestion for making one by this lady is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen! I'm looking at it thinking, "Who in their right mind would put that on their windowsill?" People that see it would ask what the jar full of junk was and the lady would beam proudly, "Oh! Don't you know? That's my terrarium." Seriously now?!
I've included the link so you can check this out, but it is basically a Mason jar with pebbles and charcoal in the bottom, then a layer of soil, then a layer of moss, then she sticks in these plastic little deer and bunnies. The best part is she makes sure to tell you that you can put other plants in it in addition to sheet moss. "Like what?" you wonder. Like those "nice plants you can find between sidewalk cracks." ....Nice plants, between sidewalk cracks? Really? Even I know those are weeds!
I know that we're in difficult economic times, but I don't know that this homemade terrarium is the gift-giving solution. Sure, why not just grab some rocks off the road, some charcoal of your neighbors grill, and some mulch from the park. Plop it in an old spaghetti jar with some moss on top, but don't forget to rip up some weeds from in between your sidewalk cracks and rinse off that little plastic animal cake topper to make it extra special. Then put it in a gift bag, and well...."Happy Birthday!"...."Oh. Thank you. What is it?"...."Duh. It's a terrarium!".... "Oh. How nice."