Well...today was a doozy! Needless to say, I felt quite productive. A coworker submitted an article we worked on together a while back for publication in a journal. Crazy cool! I helped a few students. Also cool. Had some creative and collaborative meetings with my coworkers. And ended my work day by leaving a bit early with a massive headache. Here's the thing...I don't get headaches very often. When I do, they really impede my ability to think and express what I'm thinking.
So I drove home, excited to see my husband and son....oh wait, did I say "home"? I meant that I drove to the war zone at the end of Bragg Avenue. From the outside, my quaint little house looked the same as I had left it. The trash cans still needed to be pulled into the garage and a little weeding needed to be done in the mulch. So I pulled the trash cans up to the house, and told myself I'd work on the weeds tomorrow. Feeling a sense of accomplishment and closure, I proceeded to open the door....wait, I mean I stepped over the threshold.
Enter with me if you dare, oh brave one! I hung up the phone from talking with a friend about her grandmother recovering from surgery to kiss my husband (ahem...I mean, the General) hello. As I pull back from the General's lovely face, my vision of the room behind him becomes clearer. A bomb has obviously hit my living room. The cushions (like the actual seat cushions) and throw pillows are torn from our living room furniture, laying on the floor. An ottoman is turned upside down and each of Elliot's toys and books have exploded from their place in a basket or on a shelf and are littering the room. As I turn down the hallway, I realize that I am going to have to take precautions. Why? You might ask. Well, look around at the debris! The obstacle course of blocks, uniforms (the General and Lieutenant's clothing), emptied totes (the enemy must have found those and dumped them out), is our next challenge as we head toward the corner room. I think there was once a floor in the corner room but the enemy must have taken it! Because I can't see it anywhere. Blankets, pillows, blocks, DVDs, cars....but no floor! Now I'm concerned. I hear music coming from the other room...that sounds lovely!....WHOA! What happened?! Drawers and closets thrown open! The plunderers have hit the baby's room too! Seriously now?! I'd think they'd have the decency to leave that alone, but no.
At this time, the General needed to go to his next battle (work). Lieutenant Elliot was somehow robbed of his clothing throughout the day, so I grabbed him (wearing his sweatshirt and diaper) and swaddled his legs in a blanket. The swaddled lieutenant, the General and I loaded into the tank and headed down the street. On our way the General briefed me on the day's happenings. It seemed that I had neglected to observe the radioactive chamber (the bathroom)...he told me to avoid going in there at all costs. (The toilet and its "contents" had overflowed). Now, I was scared. WHAT invaded my home today?! Seriously now?!
With the general safely on to his next mission, the half-naked lieutenant and I (the wounded Colonel) headed back to the war-torn land. It took us a couple hours to clean up the wreckage, and I had to don a Haz-Mat suit to enter the radioactive chamber.
You might say that the headache hindered my perception of the situation. Whatever the case, I believe all is safe and well now in the Gilmore land of the free, and the General managed to do some dishes in the midst of it all, which made his Colonel very happy. I've still got a bit of a head wound, as you can probably tell from this disjointed tale, but the Lieutenant is sleeping and the General is still off saving the world (at work).
I've taken some pain reliever, and now I'm going to get a drink and a little debbie.
By the way, did anyone else hear it's supposed to snow tonight? Let's just name this place Valley Forge. Seriously now?! That's ridiculous!
4 comments:
You're a goof - this made me laugh.
And yes, goodness sakes, it snowed already! Will and I are making Milady a doghouse, I brought in plants and it is WINTER!
that's awesome.
You are absolutely hilarious!!! Poor Colonel.
You failed to add the 'forage for food' mission that you and your lieutenant had to carry out on the way back to base....head wound, sans uniform and all. (Not to mention the boobytrap surely left by the unknown attacker!)
Post a Comment